A personal story
I wanted to share a story with you all. This is a very personal story and this will be the first time I have ever shared it this way, so please respect my story and my time and make sure that you give yourself a few minutes to really read this and think about how you can learn something from it.
When I was, I think, around 8 years old I had a scary, traumatic, confusing, unprovoked, unwanted and inappropriate sexual experience with a boy in my neighborhood. I remember things leading up to it and things that happened afterwards, but the actual encounter is blurry to me. After all of these years I still am not clear as to what really happened that day. I don’t know what is real and what was influenced, what may be made up, etc. All I do know is that experience still sticks with me to this day.
Fast forward to my teens and I can see where that experience plays a roll in how I view myself and my relationships with boys that I dated. I was depressed and had anger issues. In addition to that, I heard from my family growing up about how beautiful my sister was and how smart I was. This was never intended to mean that I was not beautiful and that my sister was not smart, but at that age I took it to mean that I was not beautiful. That stuck with me.
Fast forward to my twenties; I hated myself, I was still angry and depressed and I drank way too much. I was very unable to handle my emotions, especially when drunk and I dated some very toxic and abusive men.
Because of these things; that experience with the boy and my thoughts that my family didn’t think I was beautiful in addition to not dealing with or healing from those, I had a negative image of myself, I had severely low confidence, depression, anxiety, and I drank, did drugs, and partied to mask or numb what I was feeling.
I can see where all of this has shaped the person I am today. It took me a long time to see this. It wasn’t until I joined Beachbody and was taught so many tools to bettering myself, and not just through fitness, but also through relationships, personal development, etc. that I began to heal. THIS, my friends, is why I share what I do with you all; the videos, the positive/uplifting/motivational posts, etc. This is why I ask you to join me. I BELIEVE wholeheartedly what I can offer you with my experience, training, education, and team.
My point to this story is if you are struggling with your health/wellness; weight loss, self-esteem, depression, addiction, etc. Its time that you take a serious look at what things you could have that are unhealed or haven’t been dealt with in your life that could be holding you back. Those things DO NOT determine your life.
This week I have shared an affirmation with my Nourish group that is very fitting for this topic, so I wanted to share it all with you; My self-judging perceptions of my body are an attack from my ego. Today I choose love instead.